The Misadventures of Merry & Pippin
by Gaius Julius Caesar
Summary: See what Lord of the Rings would be like if Merry and Pippin got their way...
1. The Begining

The Misadventures of Merry & Pippin  
  
"Merry... when I say ale, you throw the rock at the dog and I'll run and steal the mushrooms!" said Pippin as they ducked behind the shadows of Farmer Maggot's crops.  
  
They crept over towards the mushroom garden when Pippin shouted, "Ale!" The dog looked over at them and Merry pulled out a fair sized stone. He chucked it at the dog with great force,   
  
enough to knock him onto his horrible back. Pippin, using his expert rougish skills, dashed into the mushoom garden, grabbed a few, and hightailed it out of there. He grabbed Merry as he passed and they ran up to the gate. They were being chased by the dog so they jumped right over the gate and the dog was running so fast, he smashed right into it.  
  
"Another sucessful loot, Merry, my old friend." said Pippin as he gazed over his mushooms.  
  
"Aye, right you are Pippin. Luckily, that stupid old dog can't talk. Farmer Maggot has no idea it was us who was into his crop." replied Merry as he laughed to himself joyfully.  
  
They both held up a mushroom, hit them together, and took a bite.  
  
"Nothin', like a nice stolen mushroom to get you up in the morning, eh Merry?" said Pippin enjoying his mushroom. They stuffed the rest into their loot bag and set off down the road. They walked away from the farm until they arrived in town. They slipped past the Shirrif's office as they made their way to the local tavern, The Green Dragon. They sat down at the tavern's bar and sat into their seats.  
  
"What can I get you to?" asked Rosie, the tavernkeeper. She was a short hobbit with long curly black hair, Sam had a huge crush on this hobbit.  
  
"Two ales, Rosie!" said Merry as he laughed cheerfully in his seat from the singing done by all the drunk hobbits. She handed them their drinks and took the money they layed on the table for her.  
  
"You know Rosie," started Pippin. "Sam has a bit of a crush on you." he said slyly. "If I didn't know better, I would think that he fancies you and would like to ask you on a date." he laughed as he sipped on his ale. Merry and Pippin jumped onto the nearest table and broke into a drinking song with all the other hobbits.  
  
I 'ave got a beer in me belly,  
  
Makes me feel like I''m made of jelly,  
  
I feel so drunk  
  
My ma' said I stunk  
  
But now were here  
  
So join us in a cheer  
  
And drink with us a final beer.  
  
The various drunk hobbits laughed and clapped to this song. It had been a great night at the tavern and it was time for Merry and Pippin to retire. The two friends waved goodnight and walked off seperate ways to their hobbit holes.   
  
Pippin was in a deep slumber when he heard a rustle outside of his window. He quickly got up but a rather large hobbit started to run away. He chased the fat hobbit to Merry's house. It sat outside of his window and listened. Merry quickly jumped up as well and chased him to. When the three arived at Frodo's house, Merry and Pippin could clearly see the fat hobbit was no other than Samwise Gamgee, the resident stalker! "Oh! No need for alarm Merry! It's just Samwise, that wiley old hobbit. He always eavesdrops." The two laughed as they started to walk back but they heard voices in Frodo's house. Suddenly, they saw a stick jump out of the window and strike Sam. A long, wrinkled hand, clad in grey, reached out and pulled him in.  
  
Merry and Pippin ran over to listen... "SAMWISE GAMGEE HAVE YOU BEEN EVES DROPPING!" said a clearly old voice. It must be the incredibly old and wrinkly Gandalf the Grey!  
  
"Yes, I have been evesdropping, you moron, get your old, cold, hand off me, are you trying to turn me into something... unnatural?" said Sam. They heard a loud THUD as Sam hit the ground, there was now a permanent dent in the floor where Sam had fallen. "Now listen, Geezer the Grey, I am going to escort Mr. Frodo, my favorite person to stalk, to this Mt. Doom, and if you have a problem with it, you can talk to my big fat fist!  
  
There were terrible shrieks from Gandalf and you could hear the laughter of Frodo ringing over all of them. Well, they had talked a great deal about going to destory the ring and what not, and finally they went to sleep. "Pippin, this ring could be worth something, we will meet Frodo tomorrow, and we shall kill him and take the ring." said Merry. They smiled evily and went back to their hobbit holes.  
  
The sun had arisen and as Sam and Frodo were running through the fields, they were confronted by Pippin and Merry. "Ah, hello, cousins. How are you tod..." said Frodo. He did not get to finish his sentance because Pippin and Merry and kicked Sam and Frodo down the hill. They imidently jumped on them and started to beat them up with carrots when they spotted... mushrooms! Frodo did not want to risk getting hurt to he sat at the side. Sam was kicked and beaten up by Merry and Pippin and they had taken all the mushrooms.   
  
Suddently, there was a breeze. "Get off the road you fools!" shouted Frodo. They all ran under a tree and hid there. A black rider came up to them and sniffed around. Frodo was about to put on the ring, Pippin saw how precious it was. He reached for it , hit Frodo's hand, and Frodo put it away.  
  
"Dang, that was my chance..." said Pippin in his head. Sam threw a bag at the rider, since the rider bruised easily, he cried and ran away saying, "I'm telling Sauron!! Boo - Hoo - Hoo!" They all ran down towards the water and they all made it to the boat exept for slowpoke Frodo. They all told him to come on, he jumped, and banged his head on the boat. They pulled him on and they sailed down Buckleberry river.   
  
When at last they made it to Bree, they walked up to the guy at the gate and he said, "AHH!!!!!!!!!! MIDGETS!!!!!!!!!! SOUND THE ALARMS!! Sorry, little masters, No midgets aloud here."  
  
They started to cry but Merry said, "We are hobbits you retard, now let us in before I cut out your tounge with a rock and smash it into peices." The man was so terrified so he let them in and led to the Prancing Poney. They all went in and got drinks, Pippin looked at Merry. "What the f*** is that?"   
  
"This my f***ing friend is a f***ing pint."   
  
"It comes in f***ing pints?" "I'm f***ing getting one!" He ran off towards the bar.   
  
Frodo saw that Sam was about to take his favorite desert, lizard flavored chocolate beer pretzels, so he pushed him, he landed in Sam's fat banks and it pushed him into the ground. The ring magicly flew out of Frodo's pocket and went onto his finger. 


	2. On the road again

As soon as he took the ring off, a man, Strider, grabbed him and pushed him into a room. "Yo man,  
  
get away from me, I know kung fu!" said Frodo as Strider came near him.  
  
"That is no small trinket you carry, young hobbit. Give me it!" Strider yelled. Just then,  
  
Merry, Pippin, and Sam ran in.  
  
"Drop the fuc*ing hobbit bi***!" Merry yelled.   
  
"Yeah, or I'll cut out yer little filthy eyes with my fist!" yelled Pippin.  
  
"You are very violent little hobbits aren't you? Come with me, Gandalf the Old, asked  
  
me to take you to Rivendell." Before they knew it, they were on their way.  
  
"Well, I am starved where's my fu**ing breakfast? IM FU**ING HUNGRY!" Jusut then, Strider  
  
turned around and threw a huge apple at his face, busting his nose open. They continued until they got  
  
to a watchtower. The Hobbits started to cook bacon and they threw the grease at Frodo. Ringwraiths came, by the way.  
  
They attacked them but Strider came up and beat the sh** out of them. Frodo was laughing until he got stabbed,  
  
then everyone else was laughing. Aragorn told Sam to go get some medicine but say simple stated,"No,  
  
go get the da** medicine yourself sl**."  
  
So, as he was going to get some, he met Arwen. He kicked him and beat him up but when he hit her,  
  
the hobbits started to attack him. When Merry layed eyes on her, he said, "Who's that chick with the big hooters?"  
  
"It's an elf!" said Sam.   
  
"Shut up you guys! You know she wants me! Pimp Daddy Pippin!" So Arwen took Frodo and they went to Rivendell.  
  
Oh yeah, on the way they got attacked by Ringwraiths, but the Ringwraiths were wiped out in the water.  
  
~~~I will add a new chapter if I get 5 reviews~~~~ 


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